Dumbforeigner's Blog

Happiness

dumbforeigner — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 21:08:14 +0000

I think you should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.
Christopher J. McCandless
Into the Wild

In the last 24 hours I read the novel Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer and watched the movie based on the same novel. I can honestly say that I was moved. I realize that many people to this day believe that Chris McCandless was selfish, arrogant and narcissistic; but I think otherwise. He was a visionary. He was an idealist. He struggled and fought against the barriers he was told to live in, he argued with society and the norms it places on citizens, he questioned his purpose and his reason for existence. He was just like you and I. But the difference between him and us is this: Chris McCandless sought out his own idea of how his life should be lead to its full extent. He knew what he wanted from life and he was not going to let anything or anyone tell him otherwise. Although many of us feel that we are living our lives to the fullest, we must realize that there are things that we could be doing to get even more out of life. Of course, I am not suggesting that we all pack up our belongings and take to the road, following the path that McCandless took to his own personal fulfillment. Instead, I only hope that we all, myself included, find that thing that makes us tick, our own reason for living, our own passion, and follow it no matter where it leads. I hope that we all can create a life for ourselves that makes sense to us, no matter how complicated or pointless it seems to everyone else. I hope we can all be truly happy in what we do and where our lives lead us. And what’s more, I hope that we can continue to surround ourselves by people that we can share that happiness with, for happiness is only real when it is shared.

The previous statement has provided me with an insight to my own personal feelings on being so very far from home. Of course I am happy. I am extremely grateful for the chance to be where I am, to have the adventures that I do, and to have the experiences that I have had. But my happiness doesn’t feel real because I have no one to share it with. The people who matter the very most to me are more than 15,000 miles away, unable to see the same sights, to feel the same feelings, to experience the same moments. I realized that by coming here I would be completely on my own, that I would have to learn to rely entirely on myself, and I feel that I have done that. But now, I wish to be able to share these moments, these life changing episodes of my life with others. There is no way to turn back time, to put all of you on a plane and have you right by my side as I went through these life altering moments.

But in a way, I suppose I am grateful for that.

“All true meaning resides in the personal relationship to a phenomenon, what it meant to you.” So I suppose that regardless of whether or not you were all by my side you wouldn’t have seen the same sights, felt the same feelings, or shared the same memories of the event. Yes, they might be similar, but it is that personal relationship that will be different, and that of course, is what is most important. I guess what I am saying is that I hope at some point in your life , each and everyone of you will have that moment where you are able to experience something and make it completely your own. True, you may not have someone directly there with you to share that moment of happiness, but I guess in the end, all that matters is that you have someone there in the long run who you can share it with. So, in a roundabout, circuitous kind of way, I am extremely thankful to have all of you that I can share my happiness with. We may not be together now, but I know that you are there in the long run. And just the same, I am always here for you.

Defining Maturity

dumbforeigner — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 13:14:44 +0000

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have been told to “grow up” or “act more mature”. Oddly enough, almost every time these things are said to me, I am left bewildered. Sure, I have my moments where I can get a little carried away, but I generally consider myself a very mature person – I know when it’s time to be serious and when it doesn’t matter either way. So when I am being told to “act more mature” it leads me to think that the concept of maturity isn’t clearly defined within itself. I am a serious person – when I need to be. But I don’t think that my “lack of seriousness” in some situations is at all a reflection of my maturity. I am not a master of censorship, but I think that I have good enough judgment to determine whether or not a situation is worthy of a higher level of maturity. My issue is not that I have trouble defining the concept of maturity – it’s that most everyone around me doesn’t fully understand my own perception of it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t intend to sound superior by any means because believe me, I know I’m not. This is just my attempt at straightening a few things out, so my actions are perceived accurately.
I think in order to accurately define maturity I must first draw a clear picture of what is means to be immature. Of course, immaturity is relative. It’s not fair to take, say, a five year old and an adult and label them both as immature. Obviously, the five year old is immature in terms of mental development and emotional growth whereas the adult, on the other hand, is labeled immature for reasons other than the physical or mental stature. Perhaps, the immaturity in this situation is a result of what I like to call, the “peter pan” syndrome, or the practice of holding onto childhood for as long as possible. Others are merely immature by mentality. These people are easily spotted; they tend to laugh at words like “boobs” or they get childishly giddy when the topic of sex is brought up. However, these traits could also be linked to a profound awkwardness that many would attribute to themselves, so it’s easily mistaken. Still, there are others that actually do immature things – like pull pranks, tell silly jokes, etc. Many of these traits give immaturity a negative connotation that it doesn’t necessarily deserve.
While some people will never truly grow out of their immaturity, it is possible to me immature at times and still be considered a mature person. I always used to think of maturity as something only attainable through age, knowledge, and experience. Grown ups are mature – not kids. Now I see things a little differently. Maturity isn’t completely related to sophistication or professionalism as most people believe it is. In fact, far too often the definitive ‘maturity’ is mistaken for apathy, indifference or acceptance of circumstance. If this is the case, then a mature person is also passive, unconcerned, and detached from any given situation. When one stops smelling the roses they pass by, refrains from stopping their walk home to admire a beautiful sunset, quits singing in the shower, refutes the urge to play in puddles, and forgets the meaning of the word “hope”, they are suddenly an adult. Mature. Transcendent of their so-called sophomoric ways.
But I earnestly disagree.
True maturity lives within those who change with the world, not those who submit to it. Maturity then, in a sense, is taking things as they come and handling them with a suitable level of seriousness, joy, and curiosity so as not to reject all the ordinary aspects of life. It’s the level that determines the appropriateness of certain acts, and the realization that growing up only really happens when you stop playing. Maturity means evolving fittingly into a given environment and not allowing a situation to be in control. Maturity is taking things as they are and being content with that. It’s taking advantage of the beauty in the world and truly enjoying life for what it is. Maturity is keeping a youthful vantage point of simple enjoyment, whilst understanding the complexities, the harshness and all the grittiness of life.
With this said, the phrase “act more mature” can only mean “enjoy life as it comes”. I guess I can’t get frustrated when people tell me that, it’s what I have been doing all along.

I don’t know

dumbforeigner — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 18:16:38 +0000

I want to cry. I want to cry so badly. It’s been seven months since I got into this country (oh yes I count it everyday), and I still feel lost. It’s like this is not where I belong, and the worst part is I don’t know why. I have always taken things for granted back in Jakarta, is this maybe Your way showing me to stop taking things for granted, Lord? I mean, I am thankful for the opportunity that You’ve given me, I can study in America – which I know not every individual can, but sometimes I just feel empty in my heart. I go out with friends here, have exorbitant amount of fun, but still, something’s missing from my heart. Like a horrible ache.. and still, I don’t know why. Is it just the depth of my feelings? Am I being too demanding? I put a front on every day and I convince myself that I’m okay, but deep down inside I know I am not. Life has gotten really hard on me, God I don’t know if I can handle this or not. I know, I know it’s not only me, that You are always here by my side, strengthen me, and I can go through any thunder storm when I’m with You. Fact is, it’s been a while since the last time we talked.. Oh wait.. We actually never talked but Sunday. I feel lost Lord, I feel like I need You back in my life to tell me that things are going to be alright because You are walking with me, because You are my Father. Sadly enough, I don’t know how to turn those things to reality. I’m going to church, every Sunday, but I don’t talk to You and read Your words on a daily basis.. Am I such a hypocrite? I mean, I have never lost my faith in You, I know there’s nothing but Your blood, but my attitude is not really showing that. I don’t know Lord, I really don’t.. It’s like sometimes I miss those days back home, where I read the Bible everyday, where I was in Sunday School every week then I had to memorize a verse or two from the Bible, then I got sticker. I miss the excitement back home, I really do.. There’s nothing much I can do about it though, I’m probably going to stay here for quite a while, till at least I get my Bachelor’s degree.. After that, I don’t know what is your plan for my life. I really would love to say I am ready for whatever You have planned in my life, but then again, I’m really not. Or not yet? I don’t know..

Hello world!

dumbforeigner — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 17:23:39 +0000

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